2004-12-20
really tired.
In the height, and in the heat, things seem suddenly sufficient and self absorbant. Up we go, through a spiral, spit out on the sidewalks and managing on our own. The debt is sticking me in the mud and sucking me beneath more earth.
It is probably a bad sign, when you're not on drugs for this long, and it still feels like a high on it's own to be sober. The alcohol, even, makes me think of the stupid things I've done. The stupid things I have blamed on alcohol. And my face turns beet red when I think of the regrets. My ears burn and my cheaks heat up.
This must be what it feels like when you can't see the light. When you think your life is dead end. I only imagine my life to be living in ten years. I don't imagine it rich or poor, good or bad, sick or healthy, married or single. I see it living. And that's easy to be... kind of.
New Years eve. Now my aunt wants it at her house. Probably so none of the kids drive around drunk. Who knows. Maybe it will be fun.
oilandwater at 9:53 p.m.