2005-05-17
let me talk about it, baby
My mom called everyone for me. Apparently... Mike, Jeanna and George all convinced her that I shouldn't have to call Jim and Eileen, Grandma, or Grandpa. I still think I should have myself, but it really took weight off of my shoulders. That was certainly something that I was putting off.
I realize that this next month in particular is going to be very hard, strange and stressful. I have already been feeling pains in my chest from anxiety over it all, but it got better after my first counseling meeting. What is most important to me is that my friends and family are being supportive. Even my co-workers and boss are being supportive.
I'm having a hard time with Dad. I'm having an even harder time with Mom saying to me "it's okay to be mad at him for this," because it seemed like she wanted me to be. I'm upset that he is an alcoholic. I'm upset that he is a child. I'm upset that he butts into my life at age 18 when he never has before.
I have not been able to think clearly about any of this. Or maybe I have been thinking clearly all along.
I'm going to go paint my nails. I should consider taking a shower tomorrow. It has been so long... I can't even really remember the last time I took a shower. That's just depressing.
oilandwater at 10:40 p.m.