2003-12-07
burn the ego
I'm annoyed with the commercial happiness you see on tv. its like your life doesnt compare
they didn't see the clouds tonight. if you didn't look outside at the moon tonight, i don't know what you've been hiding from. the cold brings freshness into my body and its the time where i love everyone. when the clouds part and i see everyone floating on their stars.
its nice, still. that we all see the change in our hearts. time for everything. because i guess we do have it for everything; although i'm too ashamed to admit it. i have time to imagine the freshman that sits behind me under my covers with me. or vinny giving me that raised eyebrow look while he yells my name. and then my dogs speak that... unspoken language we have. i have gotten over nutmeg's poop eating (although i still find it disgusting) and i love her anyway. nicky is tired. and i love him.
well anyway. i had a dream about the freshman boy olin with big curly hair. i don't know quite what we did, but we kissed and we loved. i woke up sad because i remembered he has a girlfriend. and vinny is old and has a wife. maybe even children. athena and i sit in latin class and talk about olin as if he doesnt sit between us. he gets up and we're like "oooh look at his muscles" and he talks sometimes about skateboarding. he's a little boy probably 14 and i love him like i've loved every other boy. a phantom haunting the real and most important love of all; the love i have for myself.
this man had a diabetic attack at the restaurant tonight. it scared me because i saw his left arm reach out for god all of a sudden and no one took his hand and i was a table away and couldn't exactly reach him in time and the waitress was talking to them and he fell BOOM so fast and loud and the whole restaurant was quiet and he apologized. the wife was embarrassed but she shouldn't have been. he was nice and you could tell they were out special tonight. a broken plate and glass later, they paid the bill quickly and left in a rush all of a sudden. i felt bad about it. the dinner was good and dessert and coffee was better. half a frozen pineapple filled with sorbet! it was the greatest.
just two more weeks of school and then no more!!!!
oilandwater at 10:17 p.m.