2004-11-07
buzzard stops
Today was the best of bests...
Where the grass was green on my side... and felt like it could always be that way. Where the weather was my favorite and I didn't get too angry about anything. How I saw my number on the football field, and then I saw the name, "Wadsworth," on a building. How I could feel it there and I was happy with how out of place things were. How now I realize that everywhere I go, nothing is perfect, but everything is how you make it - and that will set me free.
How with everything this week - my addiction, my scores, my appointments and now my future. It makes sense that it would happen today. It makes sense that today is the day I found out that I have a future - and there is a world out there for me to find.
And it makes sense now, too, that when I realized how stupid smart-people can be, that I find that my mother is in the top ten most wanted of them all. And I know I can't ignore her. I know I can't replace her. I know I can't confuse her. I know I can't transfuse her. But I'd like to mix her up and shake her down.
I hate the small talk and the mighty shows I put on for the people. I hate the issue, money, and I hate the way things have to be sometimes... because sometimes you just don't have a choice, do you?
I'm winging it. I'm gonna keep it this way. Wung. To have wung. To be winging. To wing. She wung. He wung. They all wung.
This is when the ice melts and the rope tightens. This is all I think of now... because I find that no matter how you live, no matter how people live, they all do one thing the same way. In the end, it's all just one way.
To die. To have died.
oilandwater at 1:24 a.m.