2006-01-19
Confessions of a Neighbor
I've been gazing bright eyes and bewilderment.
Because beyond education and repair, it is practice and living that teaches us the most. Some things don't mean as much, and other things mean more.
I could contently day-dream for hours right now. Actually, I plan to. Before I fall asleep, I will have a day-dreaming fit about me grown up with a partner ** oh i wish it could be her** in a house, driving a cadillac full of puppies and love.
And as short lived as my dreaming may be, I am still aspiring for bigger and better. I've made connections and reconstructions since I've been here. I've tagged my life with lust and complete misery.
My love will always be the death of me. I dare not say the word until I mean it... sometimes I wish I could just say it casually, being sure it would sound that way. These thoughts are cold and crazy. But I know things are going wrong when the best conversations I have are with mirrors. The great things I say are only to myself. The beauty in my heart will forever be hidden.
And you, of course. You will be the death of me in times like these - when I can not touch you if the wall wasn't here. I'm excited to see you though, especially with the rejuvination inside me. I realized today that you are beyond friend, things are family - in a little god damn hidden apartment. Rubbing silk is contageous... I know, I've caught it. I rub silk at night to fall asleep now.
There should be no worry. There isn't any over here - so why bring it there? It's silly. I will say that this has been scary... finding something in me that doesn't belong. Knowing it could potentially change my persona. But I've made do and so has everyone else.
It was a big four weeks. I loved it, I hated it. I worried, I begged, I longed, I loved and I triumphed.
oilandwater at 11:59 p.m.