2004-11-11
define our strengths.
after so long of believing in signs i'm going to believe one enough to just do what my sign told me.
i need to quit tickle me elmo. i dont think i ever had a problem, but it doesnt do what it used to. i dont like it any more. i dont love it like i used to. and i suppose that it's reason enough to stop.
i want to save money because i'm sick of living with my mom. and i want to move out asap.
i'm sorry that this journal entry is so factual and completely irrational.
but i'm hungry for human life. i've been chewed up and spit out. there is definitly some memories that i choose to forget and i can't remember them any more.
and i forget my memories so easily now. not because of the drugs, but because i am so careless with my noticing. my eyes are so narrow these days.
she isn't going to pay for college. she isn't going to be my guardian any more. i am my own person and i can choose for myself when i want to be my own self.
because drifting between acceptance and discipline is so slippery.
and i can not become her. i can not become the human that she is. the mother that she is. the woman that she is. the wife that she is. the child that she is. the sister that she is.
i can not become her.
and i know i'm running in six feet of snow here, but god help me, i need run.
oilandwater at 11:50 p.m.