2005-03-21
free range
opening envelopes
I woke up to a day like every other, until the first phone call. They forgot to send the card on time and I'll be getting it later. The second phone call was very similar; they forgot to send the card on time and I'll be getting it later. It wasn't until the third phone call that it hit me - they forgot to send the card on time and I'll be getting it later.
After not receiving a birthday card from the person whom I love the most, I was crushed. How can I love him when he is so far away? How can I love him when I hardly know him? How can I love him when he runs off the phone because there is a beer waiting for him inside?
I read an email that my mother sent to him, saying that when most kids want to go run off and be on their own, her children want to stay and live at home. How it will drive George crazy, but it will pan out. She said to him that I must be scared to be on my own. I knew when I was twelve years old that I would be scared to live on my own. That I am the most ready for it that I could ever be, but I am scared to death.
My heart falls to the ground when I think of my father. I think it hurts so much, because I have almost no memories with him. I just remember waking up to him one morning in the bambi sheets, him walking to his car after a fight with mom and seeing it from the window in my bedroom, losing my shoe in the water and he tried to find it but it was too dark, burning my pinky with a cigarette by accident, and making burritos in the boat across the dock because he had no microwave.
I suppose that's okay. But something fucked me up.
oilandwater at 11:21 p.m.