2004-08-22
you must be hiding in the forest
Was it just a crazy dream? I'm starting to wake up. Startled and bewildered. I wake up in solitude, as I always have. This is my weak side. How much worse can it get. And I entered the house, as if I were shooting up all night, boozing town and with such havoc.
Little darling,
What can we do, but love you? We will leave this house, with not so much as a word. Back in the tall grass, there lies a secret. A grave of grief and misery. There, we lie. There, we will find happiness just loving you.
There wasn't a note. They both left their phones in the upright, charging possitions. Ashtrays askew, no tales to unfold. One pair of boots missing, and a car misplaced. Hey now, what does this mean? Too long for a trip to the market.
I don't know where it unfolds. This morning, we talked about the things that have happend. The lies he told me when it came to Opium. How, mixed with many other substances and toxations, it's effect had little pull on the eager addictions of youth. She said, cigarettes, they are not addicting the first time. You can inhale and forget. I said, no, I'm not addicted. Yes, I think you are.
Laughter filled that diner, WHAT WAS THAT? I am. You could get your ears zapped. No, I'm enjoying it. You have to want to quit, to quit. Don't you? Don't you need a reason? Dreams of healthy children and golden sunrises. Little demons have no arm's reach into the world of safety. Yet where does it leave me? There is no room for craving, because I satisfy so often. I remember the first cigarette, after only a week and taking one deep breath. It felt like the first time I could breath clearly. Yes, that's better. What would it be now? Would I start to throw things?
I woke to the first rays touching the sky, knowing not a single dream had passed and only the heavy mattress lay between me and the only satisfaction for miles. It has been hell, living with only my poor broken body. It's as if I am living in a house of mirrors, with nothing else to notice but the mishapped curves and unneccessary food strife.
They all say you follow your feelings, and your dreams into the grave. The further I go, I know there is one eye opened.
oilandwater at 1:06 p.m.