2005-04-03
to smell pretty
So my tires are dirty and the top is shine. I drove to Christines in pieces all scattered - no glue.
I sat down and almost cried inside - this being too much. Forgetting my dad's birthday, that Christine babysat today, that she went to the store on thursday, that it wasn't Justin who got the tattoo but Pottsy. It's too much and this means slow down and I'm okay but no one shoves it in my face and I like the no shoving but there is a limit and there is a time and there is a place.
I haven't been home for more than a few hours including sleep in the past three days. I haven't come home before 1 am every night for the past three weeks. I know this is filling in gaps in my life but there is a huge gap that is gone and can't be replaced and I want that to be empty.
But it's sad, too. It's all just very sad.
There is a beauty and there is a ugliness. I can see my stupidity sometimes - my urge to fight nothing. I can feel the rain soak in my core and never evaporating.
So now it's a shower to wipe off the dirt and smell pretty.
oilandwater at 2:36 p.m.